Why can't I trust anyone?

[Sofie]

A few years ago, I went out with someone who used to hit me and we split up because he accused me of cheating on him with a friend of his. Of course, that's what he claims, but I split up with him because he'd always hit me.
After we split up, he still hit me but it was nowhere near as bad as it was when we went out together.
For some reason now, whenever anyone asks me out, I won't go out with them and seem to make up some excuse as to why, but will never tell them the real reason why...

So, how exctly do I get over all of this?

[Pia]

Hi Sofie how could he still hit you after you guys split up? Oviously the guy is a loser who has to hit a woman to feel good about himself. Not all men are like that so you have to let go of your fear. Maybe take a small step at the time. Go out in public place where you feel safe and take thing slow.

[Sofie]

[Pia]

Trust me Sofie you have the power not to let that happens again. Just give it a try at meeting someone and take things slow. Most men are not like that, only a few of them are. I know it's very hard but don't lose faith in all men because of one guy.

[Pink Blues]

Sofie, what you went through was very tramatic. I think it took courage to walk away. That was, in my estimation, heroic. You know you are capable of being brave when you are scared. You know this b/c you did it when you walked away from a very bad relationship. NOW, you need to give yourself a little credit. You need to trust yourself. It isn't that you don't trust all men, it is that you don't trust yourself not to make a bad choice. Give yourself forgiveness, let yourself see it as what it was...a mistake. You can now say you know what you don't want b/c of that horrible experience. Mistakes are all about learning. If it will help...write down in a journal; everything that happened in the last relationship. What you learned from it, and what you are looking for now. Write all the things that are different about yourself from then to now. What you expect for yourself and the goals you are setting for yourself. Once you start to see how different you are, what you have learned, and how you shown your strengths...and given yourself some credit...you might start to see that your choices for the future are truly in your hands.


I hope you start to trust yourself again. I know it is very hard to do when you have been through a very bad situation...but for yourself...make an attempt to grow beyond it and grow up and out...so that YOU become bigger than the past.


take care and good luck!!!


Pink

[Sofie]

Update:

I had someone (he keeps asking me out) ask me out last week and he kept basically forcing me into telling my reason why I wouldn't go out with him.(He told me that unless I gave him a reason, he'll keep thinking I won't go out with him because of the way he is) A few weeks before that, his friend asked me out and I just said something like 'I don't fancy you' which is true. The person that asked me the reason why I wouldn't go out with him told me that telling someone you won't go out with them and not giving them a reason is a bit mean and rude.

Thanks for your help guys.

[Pink Blues]

Sofie,


You are under no obligation to tell someonw, who has approached you, why you will not go out with him. It is non of his business. I feel that what he is doing is bullying and using your good nature against you by trying to guilt you into a response. If you feel you must answer him or give him something...tell him you have personal reasons that have nothing to do w/ him. If he continues to pester you tell him his behavior has now become your second reason.

Unless you feel an attraction to him and are just gun shy...in which case ignore my advice. But a gentleman would not harrass you into anything...not even an explaination. You did not encourage him to walk up to you and ask you out...even if he thinks it so, it doesn't make it so...your only obligation is to say yes/no and that is it.

Take care and be strong.

PB