I'm not judging your preference. I just enjoy the intellectual give-and-take. No offense intended. I often find that when I have to defend an opinion or preference, the mental exercise of doing so clarifies and confirms why I have that opinion or preference in the first place.
I'm not judging your preference. I just enjoy the intellectual give-and-take. No offense intended. I often find that when I have to defend an opinion or preference, the mental exercise of doing so clarifies and confirms why I have that opinion or preference in the first place.
I think Lola is simply saying that she doesn't want to be with a guy who thinks it is ok for him to go and see a hooker if he feels like it.
That doesn't necessarily mean he wouldn't have seen one in the past, maybe he either:
- regrets it now
- feels it was ok when he was single but thinks it's wrong when he's in a relationship (with Lola) but I don't know if Lola will accept that either.
Lola offers a certain amount of sexual pleasure in her relationships and she expects her man to be content with that and not go elsewhere. I don't see anything wrong with that. I would also not expect my wife to go elsewhere because she finds what I have to offer unsatisfactory.
My opinion is that it is better that prostitution exists if it is going to reduce rape - there must be some instances where a man might be a would-be rapist but instead is able to let it out by seeing a prostitute. It is also possibly better that a man visits a prostitute rather than attempting to "pick up" a random girl at a club for one-night of sexual pleasure.
I do think that women should learn not to associate kink with prostitution. A lot of women, including my wife, have accused me of treating them like a prostitute if I ask them to act or dress in a kinky way. I think they are misguided by that opinion. Fortunately my wife is generally quite understanding as to my kinky nature and goes out to satisfy it.
Hi Earl Purple.I think in my earlier longer posts i stated clearly that there are only very few reasons where i would accept a man (who i'm involved with) having seen a hooker.I generally wouldn't want to be with a man who has seen a hooker.It starts with me being put off by the idea of the ability seeing sex as a commodity,i want to be with a person who values sex higher,than being able to view it,or viewing it, as a ''consumer product''.It moves onto me not wanting to be with a man who doesn't pay attention to the fundament of what seeing sex as a ''consumer product'' consists of,and that also ties into aspects regarding the history of female sexuality and how female sexuality has often been ''used'',in many repressive ways,to ''satisfy'';i'm not ok with that.I atleast want to be with a man who is aware of these aspects and a man who isn't,just wouldn't fit the role.Of course i'm going to look for a man i can relate to and not one i don't share basic views and values with.It's very unlikely i'd be with a man who has seen a hooker because i do think these aspects i just listed reflect a certain way of looking at things and these things can be non-related to prostitution,like general world views,how a person interacts,what is important for a person etc.Last but not least,i am,quite simply put,literally turned off by a man who has to pay for sex.
Quote:
My opinion is that it is better that prostitution exists if it is going to reduce rape - there must be some instances where a man might be a would-be rapist but instead is able to let it out by seeing a prostitute.
How would it reduce rape ? How would a ''would-be rapist'' be able to ''let it out'' ? Rape is non consenting; how do you act out a ''non consenting'' rape ?
Quote:
It is also possibly better that a man visits a prostitute rather than attempting to "pick up" a random girl at a club for one-night of sexual pleasure
Why is it,in your opinion,''possibly better'' ?
In a one night stand atleast both people are in it for the pleasure.
Quote:
I do think that women should learn not to associate kink with prostitution. A lot of women, including my wife, have accused me of treating them like a prostitute if I ask them to act or dress in a kinky way. I think they are misguided by that opinion. Fortunately my wife is generally quite understanding as to my kinky nature and goes out to satisfy it.
I don't understand what this has to do with the topic at hand but i think i'm slowly understanding where a few of you are coming from and i see that you are looking at the topic from a completely different standpoint,valuating the situation from a completely different background.
First off,i think there are vast differences between real life prostitution and ''fantasy'' prostitution (roleplay).In fantasy the objectification is encouraged and enjoyed,in real life the objectification is encouraged but i doubt it is enjoyed,by many.In fantasy i'm not f*cking to get bills paid.
Consequently,having a problem with the many mechanics behind real life prostitution has nothing to do with how i view or live my sexuality.I personally have no hang-ups when it comes to ''being treated like a lady'' in bed.Infact,i encourage it.
Joined: 15 Nov 2004 Posts: 14347 Location: Boston, MA USA
Posted: Thu Feb 24, 2005 6:06 am Post subject:
Lola wrote:
mostirreverent wrote:
I was wondering if having more women in a given relationship would give me more opportunities for sex.
Depends on what the relationship is based on.
I would assume the relationship would be based on the same tenants as a F/M one. Only the availability to have sex with one woman when the other is not so inclined might come from a M/F/F one. There is not a presumption of a relationship based solely on sex in my question. I asked about the sexual nature of such a relationship since I never seem to get enough.
I'm glad to see this thread still going. I missed a few email notifications of additional posts.
I was wondering if having more women in a given relationship would give me more opportunities for sex.
Depends on what the relationship is based on.
I would assume the relationship would be based on the same tenants as a F/M one. Only the availability to have sex with one woman when the other is not so inclined might come from a M/F/F one. There is not a presumption of a relationship based solely on sex in my question. I asked about the sexual nature of such a relationship since I never seem to get enough.
It's not necessarily a situation for more opportunities for sex.It does depend on the type of relationship you have,what the focus is on.No different to non poly relationships.All combinations are possible.
Polyamo(u)ry is generally different to wanting to ''F*** around''.I get the impression people tend to think it's about sex.Generally it's about love.That's why it's called ''more loves'',not ''more fucks''.Of course people will have different definitions but reading up on the definitions on the net and stories from polyamo(u)rous people,the focus is on emotion.There are intimacies but how far you go depends on the individual and not everyone is sex hungry,so the opportunities will differ and vary from relationship to relationship,just like it does in monogamous relationships.
Joined: 15 Nov 2004 Posts: 14347 Location: Boston, MA USA
Posted: Fri Feb 25, 2005 4:44 am Post subject:
I did not say 100% F***. If it is say 50love-50fuck, then there is more F*** with two women, or chances for. Sure, you could have 50/50 with one and 100/0 with the other, but that seems odd from a normal female perspective, as most women want some sex. Personally, I can’t see being attracted to an asexual female since that quality in itself would undermine other parts of her personality. I don’t envision such a woman being that fun, funny, or having a great smile. Then she is just a roommate, which is fine, but would not be a true M/F/F relationship as I think we both mean here. I’m not even sure she would make a great roommate…
I did not say 100% F***. If it is say 50love-50fuck, then there is more F*** with two women, or chances for. Sure, you could have 50/50 with one and 100/0 with the other, but that seems odd from a normal female perspective, as most women want some sex. Personally, I can’t see being attracted to an asexual female since that quality in itself would undermine other parts of her personality. I don’t envision such a woman being that fun, funny, or having a great smile. Then she is just a roommate, which is fine, but would not be a true M/F/F relationship as I think we both mean here. I’m not even sure she would make a great roommate…
True M/F/F ? You know,the individuals make the rules in the relationships,polyamoury relationships,there is no ''true'' but many different forms,and yes,that includes M/F/F formations.
Not every person has the same libido,some have none and still they form relationships with others,relationships that mean much more than ''just friends''.You might see a relationship as non existant when sex isn't involved but not all view it that way and i'm not going to start to view it that way because i don't feel the need to deny the existance of variety.Some polyamoury relationships give more opportunities for getting laid,others don't.
Here an excerpt from a polyamoury faq that should give some insight into what polyamoury is:
''There are, of course, as many different varieties of polyamory as there are people; there's no one right way to create a polyamorous relationship, though ethical polyamorous relationships do involve honesty, respect, and compassion. But being polyamorous does not give you license to make like a bunny in heat.
A polyamorous relationship isn't about sex; it's about building a romantic relationship with more than one person at a time.''
I would say sex is involved in many polyamourous relationships but love and romance are the fundament,the basis.An interesting study i once read on polyamoury vs monogamy stated that polyamoury people have less sex than monogamous people.I don't know how exact that observation is but it leads to assume that the weight in polyamoury relationships lies in creating emotional bonds,rather than creating possibilities for having sex.
Joined: 15 Nov 2004 Posts: 14347 Location: Boston, MA USA
Posted: Sat Feb 26, 2005 4:35 am Post subject:
I guess I would define a romantic relationship as one that would necessarily involve some type of sex. The difference between a sexless relationship and a friendship would be what, the level of caring? How is it different from that with a family member?
''There are, of course, as many different varieties of polyamory as there are people; there's no one right way to create a polyamorous relationship, But being polyamorous does not give you license to make like a bunny in heat.” These seem at odds with one another. The first sounds like it is limiting variety in those types of relationships. No one is saying just sex.
On some level, the lower incidence of sex makes sense.
And to underscore, I did not mean to infer that these relationships were not full and devoid of romance and caring. I never said just sex, but that was my main interest in terms of the dynamics which you have answered.
I guess I would define a romantic relationship as one that would necessarily involve some type of sex. The difference between a sexless relationship and a friendship would be what, the level of caring? How is it different from that with a family member?
''There are, of course, as many different varieties of polyamory as there are people; there's no one right way to create a polyamorous relationship, But being polyamorous does not give you license to make like a bunny in heat.” These seem at odds with one another. The first sounds like it is limiting variety in those types of relationships. No one is saying just sex.
On some level, the lower incidence of sex makes sense.
And to underscore, I did not mean to infer that these relationships were not full and devoid of romance and caring. I never said just sex, but that was my main interest in terms of the dynamics which you have answered.
I can only repeat myself,really,and repeat the general polyamourous definitions that are to be found on the net.Some people have relationships where they love eachother,sex is not involved and the relationship still differs from being ''just friends'' and differs from family type of relationships.I think the specifics for those cases aren't really important,the main thing that connects all or most polyamourous relationships,is that the relationships are based on love and commitment,not sex and seeking sexualpartners.Reading posts on these boards,i got the feeling a few think it's the other way round.
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