presumably- you would know if you were living with a compulsive liar
OR could they be one and hide things and still tell the truth now and again
you probably wouldn't know they were compulsive liars at the beginning of a relationship, why would you have reason to doubt them, you don't really know them, but the lies soon start to show. And they could definatley be one and tell the truth occassionally. I think you would know in your heart whether or not you're living with a compulsive liar
Posted: Thu Dec 20, 2007 12:28 am Post subject: Compulsive lying
I am very greatful for this forum. I have recently found out that my parnter has been lying to me. It all started with small white lies exactly like most of you have written. Then the bigger ones, where he would come home from work and say how amazing he was and that his boss gave him a huge bonus that I never saw. It seems to me that it may be a low self esteem issue and that he needs to exaggerate the truth to help this. I am relieved to hear that others are going through a similar thing and I am not crazy. Yesterday he received a call from "someone at his work" I could tell he was lying so I confronted him. He said I was paranoid and that he "is over my jealousy and untrust and it is over" I was relieved slightly and said ok. I wanted to see his phone and he said fine though kept diverting and accusing me of all of these different things. Then the truth finally came out(well I am sure part of) that it was a girl who was persuing him and he wanted nothing to do with her though could not palm her off. He admitted to me that he has a problem and he is going to get help to save the relationship, I am at wits end though am committed since he wants to get help. He is a lovely man in between the lies. How do you learn to trust again? Does therapy actually help?
Posted: Tue Mar 25, 2008 9:04 pm Post subject: compulsive lying
It is so great to find a forum like this. I honestly believed I was alone out there- that no one could possibly understand what I had gone through. My boyfriend's stupid (and pointless) lies about his job, home, life. Months into my relationship (just over a year) I suspected something was up.. little inconsistencies in the stories he told. I started questioning my own sanity.. thinking I was the crazy one. I was called paranoid, intense, clingy and needy. He drained my happiness and energy out of me. It got to the stage where he pretended to be on the phone, pretended to be in his office late at night, pretended to be out with his friends- but I could tell he was sat in his room in his rented house. I discovered he cheated on me too. This horrifies me because I was reluctant to get involved and he was all nice and caring in the beginning, and I started to trust him. When I didn't, and he'd call me paranoid etc, I'd assume he was right, and that I was being paranoid but I wasn't. I'd known this guy for years and now I feel that his whole life and my whole relationship was one big lie. I don't think he'll ever realise how he has destroyed me. I have suffered so much, and not so much as an apology. I am trying to come to terms with why he may have done this, and what makes CL's tell lies. I know he had a very bad breakup with his ex before me (this could well be why) and also he felt that his family were never proud of him, and that they weren't interested in him. Would be interested to hear thoughts and advice....
The only advice is to get out now while you are still young and not married to this man. Once a liar always a liar. The only consolation for you is that it is not your fault. Read about pathological liars. The only way he will stop is when he wants to, and even then the knee-jerk lying syndrome will live with him for the rest of his life. There's plenty of good men out there. Plenty.
Posted: Thu May 01, 2008 3:05 pm Post subject: Compulsive Lying
My Mam is a Compulsive Liar, she had hurt so many people in the past and I seem to be the only one that has stood by her through thick and thin, there's far to many things for me to go into over the years but the latest lie is that she has Cancer of the lung and is starting her chemotherapy this week, I've also found out this week that she has been telling people that my Brother was my twin and he died when he was 14 due to cerebal palsy. My brother is very much alive and kicking and we we are not twins. I'm totally at breaking point. The lie wasn't told to me but was told to a member or our family and I finally confronted her this week. I don't know what else to do, the lies aren't little..these are big whoppers, and they really hurt people. All I've done is cry for the last 3 days and I don't know where to turn..I've told her that I'm wiping my hands of her this time because enough is enough. Then on the other hand I feel so guilty..I'm trying to protect myself and my family but my husband and I will eventually split up because of the trouble she causes in my home. She knows she's told them because she'll avoid certain questions when certain people are about or she'll ask certain people not to mention certain things in front of others. What can I do...I'm can't eat, I can't sleep and all I want to do is cry. I feel so betrayed by her.
Posted: Sun May 04, 2008 11:41 am Post subject: Re: Compulsive Lying
I Feel So Betrayed wrote:
My Mam is a Compulsive Liar, she had hurt so many people in the past and I seem to be the only one that has stood by her through thick and thin, there's far to many things for me to go into over the years but the latest lie is that she has Cancer of the lung and is starting her chemotherapy this week, I've also found out this week that she has been telling people that my Brother was my twin and he died when he was 14 due to cerebal palsy. My brother is very much alive and kicking and we we are not twins. I'm totally at breaking point. The lie wasn't told to me but was told to a member or our family and I finally confronted her this week. I don't know what else to do, the lies aren't little..these are big whoppers, and they really hurt people. All I've done is cry for the last 3 days and I don't know where to turn..I've told her that I'm wiping my hands of her this time because enough is enough. Then on the other hand I feel so guilty..I'm trying to protect myself and my family but my husband and I will eventually split up because of the trouble she causes in my home. She knows she's told them because she'll avoid certain questions when certain people are about or she'll ask certain people not to mention certain things in front of others. What can I do...I'm can't eat, I can't sleep and all I want to do is cry. I feel so betrayed by her.
Look up Narcissistic Personality Disorder. I'm not sure, if she has this disorder but certainly traits (and avoid Sam Vaknin literature, he's not a Dr).
I have been married to my husband for 8 years , and have put up with plenty of lieing. I just found out today that he was laid off from his job 2 months ago and has been pretending to go to work for 2 months. He was making up lies about this all along...Like< Im at lunch right now, or I'm on my way home from work. I'm not sure I can ever trust him again.
Posted: Sun Jul 20, 2008 5:32 pm Post subject: Re: Compulsive Liar
snowqueen wrote:
I have been married for a year, and only been with him for 18 months...when i first met him he said he had his own house but then he had to tell me he actually lived in a caravan because he was too embarrassed and thought i would not stay with him.
On saturday he told me that he is a compulsive liar...how do i trust someone i love who is a compulisve liar..and does anyone have any advice about compulsive liars...i was quite upset when he told me this
I would dump him, not because of his lifestyle, just because he felt the need to lie. If he can't admit he lives in a caravan, then why bother saying anything at all.
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