Posted: Tue Oct 12, 2004 12:30 pm Post subject: Compulsive Liar
I have been married for a year, and only been with him for 18 months...when i first met him he said he had his own house but then he had to tell me he actually lived in a caravan because he was too embarrassed and thought i would not stay with him.
On saturday he told me that he is a compulsive liar...how do i trust someone i love who is a compulisve liar..and does anyone have any advice about compulsive liars...i was quite upset when he told me this
Joined: 14 Jul 2004 Posts: 6175 Location: UK - Hampshire
Posted: Tue Oct 12, 2004 12:37 pm Post subject: Re: Compulsive Liar
snowqueen wrote:
On saturday he told me that he is a compulsive liar...how do i trust someone i love who is a compulisve liar..and does anyone have any advice about compulsive liars...i was quite upset when he told me this
If he told you he was a compulsive liar, that would have been a lie ..... in which case he is not one, so you have nothing to worry about. If it is the truth that he is a compulsive liar, then he has told the truth and (by definition) cannot be a compulsive liar
Posted: Tue Dec 28, 2004 6:37 am Post subject: RE: Compulsive liar
He can still be aware that he IS a compulsive liar, even if he admits and tells you the truth that he is one. I would just take this as a red flag. Take it as a warning, a heads-up that this man is trying to tell you something about his character that is unsavory. Dont let people tell you that you have nothing to worry about. Telling you that is naive. If you had nothing to worry about why would this man tell you such a thing? It isnt normal. It's good that he's being open with you, however, could it be he's telling you this so you will excuse every misbehavior, every bad deed, and never hold him accountable for his misdeeds due to the fact he has a "problem"? Could be something to think about. I would delve into this person's background so you dont get your heart broken the way I did.
Posted: Sat Jan 01, 2005 6:23 pm Post subject: Re: RE: Compulsive liar
IrishFox wrote:
Is it stil going on? and if not how did you appraoch the situation?
I suppose that if he has no strong emotion ( and by this I do mean real sorrow and tears, the crisis before he begins to work at change) connected with the confession it is fair to belive that he has not yet faced his own shame. I can only agree with Elvirastwin "this is a real red flag". Honesty takes a lot of hard work and to come to terms with it, first he must decide that he really wants to change, othewise he will never be able to respect himself enough to respect you, his soul will be in pain and he will lash out at others and be unable to accept all the very genuine love that you are able to give. Help him if you want to, but it will get bad unless he really wants to change for himself. Remember that this behaviour has been working for him (in some ways) for a long time and it will be hard to quit, good luck.
Yours
Hi there
i dont think i have anything to worry about, he has had no reason to lie we are as happy as ever, i think i was just panicking over anything as i am not used to have a good relationship, thinking about it now, he is not a compulsive liar, basically he lied when we first met, he said he had his own house, but the fact he was living in a caravan, but he thought i would not stay with him.
i do trust him, we talk alot and tho he said he is a compulsive liar, he is not!
Hi there
i dont think i have anything to worry about, he has had no reason to lie we are as happy as ever, i think i was just panicking over anything as i am not used to have a good relationship, thinking about it now, he is not a compulsive liar, basically he lied when we first met, he said he had his own house, but the fact he was living in a caravan, but he thought i would not stay with him.
i do trust him, we talk alot and tho he said he is a compulsive liar, he is not!
Hi there
i dont think i have anything to worry about, he has had no reason to lie we are as happy as ever, i think i was just panicking over anything as i am not used to have a good relationship, thinking about it now, he is not a compulsive liar, basically he lied when we first met, he said he had his own house, but the fact he was living in a caravan, but he thought i would not stay with him.
i do trust him, we talk alot and tho he said he is a compulsive liar, he is not!
Hi there
i dont think i have anything to worry about, he has had no reason to lie we are as happy as ever, i think i was just panicking over anything as i am not used to have a good relationship, thinking about it now, he is not a compulsive liar, basically he lied when we first met, he said he had his own house, but the fact he was living in a caravan, but he thought i would not stay with him.
i do trust him, we talk alot and tho he said he is a compulsive liar, he is not!
Posted: Sun Feb 13, 2005 12:34 am Post subject: liars
I have been married for eleven years to a "compulsive liar". I know that my husband loves me, but I have zero trust in anything he tells me. He has lied to me the entire time we have known each other. First it was about where he went to school and what degree he held, then it was about money issues after we were married (more than once), then it was about so many stupid things. He would lie to other people right in front of me and then I would call him on it later. I don't know what to do. I cannot live in a marriage in which I have no trust in. I do love my husband but I am a constantly waiting for some other lie to come out of his mouth. He doesn't lie about major things, it 's always something stupid and trivial; as if he's trying to impress people. We have come close to seperating over this issue in the past so he knows that it's very serious. He lied as a child in order to get attention from his parents who weren't very nurturing. Any advice would be appreicated.
Posted: Mon Feb 14, 2005 10:11 am Post subject: Re: liars
Shelby wrote:
I have been married for eleven years to a "compulsive liar". I know that my husband loves me, but I have zero trust in anything he tells me. He has lied to me the entire time we have known each other. First it was about where he went to school and what degree he held, then it was about money issues after we were married (more than once), then it was about so many stupid things. He would lie to other people right in front of me and then I would call him on it later. I don't know what to do. I cannot live in a marriage in which I have no trust in. I do love my husband but I am a constantly waiting for some other lie to come out of his mouth. He doesn't lie about major things, it 's always something stupid and trivial; as if he's trying to impress people. We have come close to seperating over this issue in the past so he knows that it's very serious. He lied as a child in order to get attention from his parents who weren't very nurturing. Any advice would be appreicated.
I love him too much to leave him. Plus, I know that there is so much more to his character than this one flaw (although it's a huge one). He is seeing a counselor tonight who can hopefully help him work through this. I have faults of my own and I know that he would never even consider leaving me because of them. I decided that I will stand by him through this even though he knows that we will be on rocky ground for some time. He knows that his trust needs to be earned by me. He also confessed to his parents about his compulsive lying and even though they were shocked, they offered their support. Keep your fingers crossed and thanks for writing.
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