yster
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 Posted: Mon Oct 17, 2005 5:09 pm Post subject: my marriage |
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Hi
I am new to all this, so I don't really know where to start, but here goes, I got married to this man almost 2 years ago now, we hadn't been together for that long (1 year and half), but I loved him and he loved me and we got on really well, so I asked him, we planned the wedding the way we wanted it although his mother is chineses, he said to me that he wanted the wedding the way we did it, well the wedding was wondful but his mother felt that we had desrepected her culture as it was all done in French (we got married in France, at my parents house), both me and my husband had suggested that we should go to Hong kong and get married as well instead of going on honeymoon, but his parents didn't want to, I had also asked my husband if we should get someone to translate everything, but he said there was no need, there had been an issue where his mother had told me that I would have to call her mum after the wedding, but I didn't feel right about that and had asked my husband to talk to her about it, he didn't (although I did not know this until after the wedding) when she said to me that I should, and i said no and she sormed out, after this our realationship went down hill and i even left my job so go and stay with my parents in France for a while as i could not understand how he could have let this happend and his mother strated to treat me very well meanly, he asked me to come back promising me that everything would be fine, but ofcourse it wasn't and I had to deal with the situation, when I spoke to his mother she said to me that now she did not want me to call her mum anymore and all the tralala, basically it was all my fault and she had been waiting to her sons wedding day her whole life and I ruined it, I was heart broken, but I still tried for my husband, our realtionship became very distant and I thought that he was having an affaire, so I did the ultimate and went trough his computer to fine something that could give me some answers, well I found a conversation that he said on MSN with this woman that I had never heard of (a very heated kind of "turn me on" conversation), I confronted him with this and he said that it was just a joke and that she was just a girl that he had a thing with before we even meet and that now she was a friend, I found it very hard to deal with as I had been cheated on before by an old boyfriend, but I belived him and tried to put it behind me, I was not getting any support from my husband, all he could say was that I was being childish and that I needed to move on, ofcourse I still had the issue with his mother to deal with as well, during all this I went a bit destructive and trached our flat abd lashed out on him physically (I will never forgive myself), I also went to counselling as he was threattning me to leave me all the time, saying things like "if you don't stop it I will find someone else" or " I don't know if I love anymore", by this time I had lost all my self confidence and was a wrack, so I went home to my parents again over Xmas having talked to my husband and argued abou the whole thing again ( I was getting hyserically almost all the time), we agreed not to split up, but when I got to my parents he didn't want me to come back, but I did anyway, when I came back I was ok for a while, but than all the old memories came back and I got really depressed, crying all the time and he would just leave me on the kitchen floor or in the bedroom, saying that he couldn't come to me when I was crying, anyway things camed down but we were still struggeling as I didn't trust him anymore, and I can understand that he fekt hurt too, than one day he came home and told me that he had had lunch with this mother and that now she wanted me to call her mum, and I got angry, I was feed up being treated like a ping pong ball and nobody even care about my feeling, but I did it for him, we had a long dinner and than i had to sit there and appoligies to her (for something that I hadn't done), it was very humiliating, but I thought if this workes than it is worth it, after that his parents left all my husband said to me was well done now I have to do some work, this was the two days before our first anniversary, where I had had to force my husband to orginise something for us to do as i was a bit tired of always doing all the romantic stuff in the realationship, so he took me to Paris, it was wonderful, but during this trip, I realised that I was pregant (for the first time in my life), I spoke to my husband about it and he said that this was not a good time for us to have a baby, and although I agree with him, I mean who wants to bring a child into a realationship like that I was still very upset and not sure that I wanted to do an abortion, but he was set on it and dealt with the situation in the most horrible way you can ever imagine saying to me that if I keep it that would be the end of us as we would not make it and on and on, after the abortion (my lovely sister came with me, she is pregant) I couldn't cope and my husband just left me to it, yeah he was there physically in the house but working not paying any attention to me or how I was coping, it was the most horrific thing I have ever done and I am finding very hard to deal with, I am now in a very difficult situation, no selfconfidence and very tired and it has all become cleare to me, all the hurt and pain that he has caused me but never did he make sure that I came out the best way, I don't know what to do anymore, I am so tired and he just doesn't care he says that he loves me more than anything and he hopes that things are going to be ok as lond as I move on but I don't feel like I have anything to move on to and I feel hurt and left aside all the time (second best), I am very often tempted to leave him, but I just don't know... |
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