Whats going on?

Brian · Guest

I can't figure out why my wife doesn't like to have sex. I mean we are still newly weds but I practically have to beg for it.

She does not want to try anything I want to do. And when I ask for even just a little oral sex we end up getting in a fight. Sometimes I do not know what to do. Help me please

Harry · Guest

Stop asking. She may just resent the idea (in her head) that she is being used as a sex machine. Give yourself a period, say a month, when you don't ask for and don't expect any sex. Be cool about it and don't make any comments at all - absolutely zero pressure. If she ask for sex, just gently sidestep it, don't refuse, just don't get there. Hopefully one day she will twig and will start demanding some action and then you will be more in balance and cal talk about it properly. I suspect talking about it now generates more heat than light.

Fatlisa · FemaleFirst Guru Joined: 11 Nov 2003 Posts: 1367

Maybe she doesn't feel very confident and needs some reassurance.

Spand more time giving her love and affection and not expecting anything else.

MissJackie23 · Guest

Peter · Guest

Come on Harry. That's a joke, right? This is serious and Brian has a real problem. "She might think she being 'used' as a sex machine" indeed!! Get real.

Harry · Guest

I agree it's a serious issue, but you clearly misunderstand. The current situation is that Brian is always asking always, trying and being rebuffed. This is creating a huge imbalance in the relationship, where he feels agrieved and she feels pressured. By really taking the pressure off he makes it possible to get back to dialogue. But you don't take the pressure off if you appear to be sulking. By taking sex completely off the agenda for a while it stops becoming a point of contention. It's not as hard as it sounds and I know one couple at least where it has really helped.

Peter · Guest

Strewth, Harry. You are for real. Have you been brainwashed or something. This is the age of the empowered woman. Equality. But to you, its Brian who has to cop it and find the solution. What about his dearly ( but not nearly enough ) beloved. She has to take equal responsibility. She is the one that is withdrawing. Isn't that the 'crime' most men are 'accused' of. She has to come at least half way. Where's the famed female 'in touch with feelings' ( her's, - definitly she's not in touch with his!) and superior communications ability?? Where is her 'empathy' for him? She's the problem here Harry. Not Brian. Get off his case, 'new age' wimp- man.

MissJackie23 · Guest

Harry · Guest

Peter, Of course she is responsible for what she is doing and equally responsible for the relationship. But I can't talk to her, I can talk to Brian. It's too easy to feel one is in the right and demand things of your partner without really understanding what is going on in her mind.

Hammering on about Brain getting the sex he feel he deserves and blaming her may be macho but will do nothing for their long term relationship. If Brain cares for his wife, and I'm sure he does, then he will want to develop a realtionship where they come together because they both want to and not because he "wants it" and she "gives in". This is going to need a lot more, and a lot better, communication than they appear to have at the moment. All I'm suggesting is that he tries to create an environment in which this is possible.

Turn it round. If you had (non-physical) errection problems and all your partner wanted was for you to perform, you'd probably never get sorted. If she took the pressure off and was loving and understanding there would be a much better chance of things improving.

PS. There seem to be two Harrys on the site at the moment. I'm the unmarried one Very Happy

MissJackie23 · Guest

I can't understand why! Very Happy

Harry · Guest

That's mean Jackie. What have I done to upset you?

SukiSoo · Posted: Wed Feb 11, 2004 10:22 am Post subject:

Why dont you try the romantic approach - some women dont like rough and tumble. Take her for a meal, compliment her all night, buy her flowers - treat her like a lady. A lot of women dont like to have sex if they feel its just to please their partner, but if you make her feel special she will get turned on. When you get home, put some romantic music on, light some candles, open some wine - talk about your wedding maybe, bring happy memories back - and if she isnt yours after that then i'm baffled!

Harry 111 · Guest

Harry?? Dog trainer Harry ? Again ! How come you always get the wrong end of the stick? MissJacquie was giving you a complement, Dork.

Maybe your dogs should be throwing the sticks for you.

sharyn · Posted: Fri Feb 13, 2004 7:13 pm Post subject:

god u lot, leave poor harry alone he is just trying to help, might not always be the best advice but he IS trying

hey jackie hows u hen? its been a while Wink

Joe · Guest

Yeh, leave poor Harry alone. Poor Harry. He's still the unmarried one. Poor Harry. A lonely expert on relationships and sex. Just wants to be tied up and spanked. Anyone for spanking Harry?