Posted: Fri Jul 04, 2008 3:41 pm Post subject: A backhanded slap at Jolie
Angelina Jolie will always be better than you
If it weren't for that sweet, lovable robot trash compactor, Angelina Jolie would've been the queen of the box office last weekend.
Even though Disney and Pixar's latest computer-generated masterpiece "WALL*E" took the top spot, snapping up a whopping $63.1 million at the box office, "Wanted," the hyperviolent actioner starring Jolie, was right behind it, taking in $50.9 million.
I'm sure the idea of the sexiest woman on planet Earth locked-and-loaded, in a perpetual state of cap-busting, is what brought people to the multiplexes. But while that may sound enticing to some, it wasn't necessarily that big of a deal for me. Honest.
I may be the only man on the planet who feels this way, but seeing Angelina Jolie be her deadly, sexy self on the big screen isn't doing it for me like it used to. In my review of "Wanted" last Friday, I mentioned how she "steps into a role where she's such an unattainable, lethal bad girl (when she first appears, it's as if she materialized from another universe) that it's dang near a turnoff."
As the brutal-but-stunning Fox, Jolie plays another in a long line of vicious, vampy vixens whose aggression and attractiveness overwhelm just as much as they stimulate. As a culture, we've basically accepted that Jolie is a special kind of beautiful -- almost otherworldly, if you ask me. (Anytime Entertainment Weekly feels the need to plaster her blemish-free, possibly retouched face on the cover, you know she practically has us in the palm of her hand.) And she knows it, too. In movies, she's confident to the point of being a bit cocky about it. In "Wanted," she plants a slo-mo kiss on James McAvoy's character to shut up his insult-hurling girlfriend -- and it works. When your man gets smooched by someone who looks like Jolie, you've pretty much lost the war. I think a few actresses know all too well about that. (I know, I know -- cheap shot. Bygones.)
But while other actresses' sex appeal (like, let's say, Naomi Watts) can refreshingly sneak up on you, Jolie's appeal often jumps right out the gate and pummels you into submission. Whenever Jolie is on-screen, getting turned off is not an option. You can't even complain that she may come on too strong. And while she appears to be self-aware of her gorgeousness, she's hardly self-reflexive about it. Never have I've seen an actress treat her innate desirability with the utmost seriousness -- and she expects you to do the same. You must accept that you're in the presence of flawless, definitive glamour. And if you don't, there's something seriously wrong with you.
I'm not saying this is all Jolie's doing. This is mostly a collaborative effort, along with the directors who make it their priority to obsessively photograph the actress to the point of fetishism. (Don't even get me started on those boobalicious "Tomb Raider" movies!) But Jolie isn't just hitting us with the outer beauty. Oh no -- she's giving us inner beauty as well. Because Jolie seems to be a celebrity who is angling to be the next Mother Teresa, she has also taken on roles like the wife of a slain journalist in the true-life "A Mighty Heart" and the mother of a missing boy in Clint Eastwood's upcoming "Changeling," that exude the same kind of tireless nobility. So, when she's not playing a dangerous, desirable dame, she's playing a saintly, selfless savior. Either way, audiences should be in a perpetual state of awe.
Some of you might be saying right now that I'm being insecure and simply intimidated by a woman who brings grace, strength, intelligence and irresistible sexuality to every role she plays. And my response is, "Yeah, aren't you?"
Jolie exudes perfection in nearly everything she does, on-screen and off. Even when she exhibits some inkling of a flaw in the characters she portrays, she exhibits it with pitiable earnestness. And how are we, as moviegoers and human beings, supposed to live up to that? We got problems, man! From our broken economy to the inferior junk that gets fed to us via movies, music and TV, we live in a time where imperfection runs rampant.
We may not deserve someone like Angelina Jolie, but she doesn't have to let us know that.
Craig D. Lindsey is either paid and bought, a cult loon, or he was forced at gun point to write this drivel. I'm going with the latter because there is a hint of passive-aggressiveness.
Oh pleeze with the "she's so gorgeous, otherwordly", blah, blah. Yes she's pretty but mostly that was bought with the plasitc surgeon's skills. And she's not any prettier then many, many other celebs and even normal people. She doens't even have a decent body, way too skinny with no muscle tone. It's the media that wants us to believe she's something special so they can sell more magazines. I bet Hollywood is pretty sick of fhiz worshiping crap too. I mean that's a town full of huge egos and all the face time Jolie gets is taking away from their face time.....lol.
Jolie is nothing more then another spoiled Hollywood brat with too much media access. Anybody can be made to look beautiful with photoshopping, airbrushing, etc. Just watch the Dove Self Esteem video to see what the industries "light and magic can do with ordinary looks".
http://youtube.com/watch?v=7rSjh52fGTg
Lord, I'm so sick of this woman and the syncophats that write about her.
Even when she's not all drugged out (although has that ever really been the case), I still don't think that she's the be-all, end-all of beauty. Full lips are nice, but hers are almost mutant, plus they always look chapped. The boobs, if they're even real, are out of proportion with her body. If they're not? Then they're fake as well as out of proportion. Overall I just think that she's kind of strange-looking.
Don't forget the big buldging eyes. Not so obvious when she is standing alone or has on her heavy eye make-up, but, when she is standing next to her brother, it is so much more obvious.
Jolie looks constructed to me. She used to be pretty back in her day but as of late, I think she looks like a vamp who believes her own hype.
Anybody can be made to look beautiful with photoshopping, airbrushing, etc. Just watch the Dove Self Esteem video to see what the industries "light and magic can do with ordinary looks".
http://youtube.com/watch?v=7rSjh52fGTg
Lord, I'm so sick of this woman and the syncophats that write about her.
Don't read it or buy into it - best advice in the world. Let the people who do buy into it be led by the nose like the sheep they are.
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Not so obvious when she is standing alone or has on her heavy eye make-up, but, when she is standing next to her brother, it is so much more obvious.