Posted: Sun May 18, 2008 5:33 am Post subject: please help. i dont know what to do anymore.
okay this may take a lil while to explain...
i need some help, im so confused right about now and i really dont know what to think anymore...
so i met this guy through a friend, not met in person but _. just talking and such. we became pretty good friends and soon enough he asked for my number so we wouldnt be confined to talking only when we were both _. we would talk forever! he become one of my greatest friends, he was so sweet and seemed so sincere, he lives across the country (US) lol we are on opposite coasts, and eventually we got more intimate in our nightly chats. i cant say i fell in love with him, i dont believe you can fall in love with someone you have never physically met, but i know i would have if we lived closer. for months we talked like we were dating...even discussed being boyfriend and girlfriend. he expressed great feelings for me, multiple times. even talked about me coming to see him when i got the chance off of work and college.
then he stopped. completely. when i tried to talk to him he was distant and .... oddly different. i knew what it was and i had expected it to happen. he got a girlfriend. i was glad for him, i wanted him to be happy and i knew we couldnt date. i didnt expect him to completely cut me out for months tho.... and thats what he did.
well about a month ago now, he got back in contact with me. started being the old him i missed SOOO much. i missed talking to him and knowing he cared so much, i dont think i ever missed a real boyfriend that much before. but he got back in contact with me, he was the same old him, so sweet, so kind, so caring. we talked to early morning hours every night for a week, he even told me, which i was kind of shocked to hear, that he was refraining from any sexual activity till he met me b/c he only thought of me that way. but we had no plans on meeting anytime soon. and when i asked him why he decided this, i mean he knows i wasnt going around having sex, im still a virgin ha ..shoulda lost that a long time ago....but anyway he knows i wast going around doing ever guy i met lol so when he offered not to have sex with anyone till he met me, which again could not be for years... who knows? , idk seemed like a big deal for him to me.
but...F*** there is always a but isnt there? lol
two days later he did the same thing as he did before. idk if he got another girlfriend this time or not. but he stopped talking to me, got cold and distant when we did talk. and the thing is he knows how much i like him, how i want to be where he is so badly and to be his girl like he's asked me to be so many times. but how can someone say things like that and seem so sincere then cut the person they said it to out?... he must not have ment it right?
i came to the conclusion that im kind of his rebound girl, in an emotional sense. that week that he started talking to me again....was a week inbetween real girlfriends.....i believe, not completely sure on that one. he knows ill be here for him, that i always will be. b/c ive told him i would be. i always want to be his friend, but i want even more to be more with him, for him to tell me goodnight every night and to say i wish you where here.
the main thing is i cant tell what HE wants. he tells me he wants me to be his girlfriend, for me to move to Arizona (i live in New York lol), and to live with him b/c he thinks we would be so good together and that i make him happy. but then he completely changes and isnt the same sweetheart and doesnt convey the same feelings he would. like ive been put in the friends zone. he isnt consistent with me in what he wants from me. friendship or more. and he needs to decide b/c i really really like this man, i feel like i could love him, and i miss him terribly when we dont talk. so i need to get over him if he doesnt want me. i cant do that if he keeps saying sweet nothingness to me lol every night for a week or two then changes his mind and will not flirt or will talk to me like you talk to someone you meet in the grocery store...fake.
recently he has been messaging me. telling me he misses my wonderful texts and that he misses takling with me. yet when i text him or whatever its hard to even keep a conversation going. i feel like im basically talking to myself and that he has no interest in the conversation.
what should i do? i dont get him at all. and yes ive tried asking him about this. he acts like he doesnt know what im talking about. says he stops talking b/c he has family issues and he closes up when stuff like that happens. which is a lie. he says our friendship means the world to him. but i want to know what we mean to him, as in more then friends. and im afraid to ask that one out right. ive kind of hinted at it and never gotten a good reaction.
i dont know what to think. does he feel the same or are we just friends? what do you think. what should i do???
you could continue as you are and just enjoy the contact you have with this guy. But don't expect too much more than you already have with him because it isn't real - it's virtual reality, virtual contact, virtual sex, virtual committment. And you probably will never get to the bottom of why he goes cold on you, and you probably have no right to expect him to be straight with you. If you can be happy with this then just stick with it - get a bit of clarity over what you're involved in then enjoy what it is.
The second option is to terminate your contact with this guy. Get rid of this confusion and turmoil and move on - get some real contact going with people around you.
The third option is to see if there is any mileage in making this relationship real - well, more conventional anyway. Meet him, invite him to come to New York for a few days or a week - staying in a local hotel - don't invite him to stay with you!! Then you can meet and see if you like each other when it's person - person. If you click you can decide between you how serious you are and what you want to do. If you go for this option though please be safe and cautious. You don't say in your post how old you are - for all I know you could be twelve!! So depending on how old you are this option may not be for you. Also, you don't say clearly if you've ever met him before or even seen him. He could be 73 stones, he could be married, he could be absolutely anything. All I'm saying is not to assume you know him and be careful - let friends know when and where you're meeting, arrange for an 'emergency' phone call 10 mins after you meet him, that sort of thing.
yeah i know its all virtual.
and i know that its not exactly real.
but that knowledge doesnt stop me from being attracted to him, more of a personality attraction then physical. i know that he could be a COMPLETELY different person then he lets on to be. believe me ive thought about all this many times before, and ive wondered myself why i like him so much. i do go meet new people who live around me and ive tried going out with a few of them. that didnt stop me thinking about what it would be like to date him, and thats the problem haha. i had no contact with him for months and the day he got back in contact we hit it off like nothing ever happened.
thanks for ur advise just some guy. i think ill just keep things the way they are for now. but keep it just to friendship. even tho id like there to be more in the end i kinda know it cant happen so why get so attached just to not ever be able to see him. and him coming to see me is probably not going to happen any time soon haha. we are both pretty busy with our lives. oh and to answer your question im not 12 haha im 20.
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