how to tell a girl i have no desire for sex?

dreamguy

When would it be the right time to tell a woman I'm dating that I have no desire to ever get sexually intimate with her? If I tell her too soon she'll look at me like "ok why did you bring that up?" If I tell her too late then she'll accuse me of stringing her along.

So how many dates should I go out with her on before I tell her that I have no desire to ever have sex with her? Also how do I tell her? How do I tell her that masturbation is sufficient for me to get my sexual needs met and that I don't get as much pleasure out of sexual intercourse?

I have made a decision that I have no intention of having sex with any woman for the rest of my life. It would not bother me one bit since I get all the pleasure I need from masturbation.

What are the chances that women will put me in the friendzone over this? I don't want to be friendzoned. It's either a boyfriend/girlfriend relationship or no contact at all. I have plenty of friends already. I'm not looking for friends. I'm looking for a girlfriend.

jinjin · FemaleFirst Guru Joined: 11 Oct 2006 Posts: 79482

Hello dreamguy;

If you wish to have a girlfriend but not have any sex with her then you are looking for someone to engage in an asexual relationship. You may or may not consider yourself to be an asexual. From your earlier posts, I did not get any impression that you were an asexual. However, the type of relationship you have described in this thread is asexual.

An asexual relationship is not impossible. However, most people are sexual, and the chances of a successful asexual relationship with a sexual partner is slim. It has been my experience that a sexual person tends to feel that love without physical intimacy is a second rate platonic relationship and such a relationship will be dissatisfying and frustrating. A sexual person is generally unable to view true love as an emotional intimacy that is completely disjoint from sexual arousal.

A relationship involves two people. It is important for both to have their intimate needs, emotional and/or physical, satisfied. Hence, in my opinion, the worst thing an asexual person can do to a sexual person is to misrepresent themselves such as engaging in physical intimacy during the early stages of the relationship then withdraw to an asexual lifestyle. This is likely to frustrate and distress a sexual person.

I think it is best to inform a prospective partner during the initial stage of a relationship when you are both talking, trying to get to know one another, and trying to build up some trust. Otherwise, she will have different expectations from you and feel that you have been dishonest with her. Your choice to have an asexual relationship is an sexual orientation (or lack of). As with other forms of sexual orientation (i.e. homosexual or bisexual), it needs to be stated early with a prospective partner.

Whether you are an asexual person or a sexual person adopting an asexual lifestyle, an asexual relationship is going to be difficult to establish. If you have not done so, you might try using a speciality site, such as AVEN, to gain the insights of other asexual people.

Good luck.
-JinJin

Verve · Posted: Tue Apr 29, 2008 4:14 am Post subject:

As soon as the topic of sex arises.

just some guy · Guest

Look, if you want to pursue a celebate longterm relationship then good luck to you but I really think you're missing the point here. Sex in a relationship isn't just about you satisfying your own sexual needs, it's much, much more than that. Sure we can all have a W*** and feel satisfied, I'm in a long-term relationship and I still masturbate
When you have sex with someone you share your life with it's a very powerful way of bonding with that person. It's almost spiritual. It's a way of showing acceptance of that person, it's a way of saying that you trust them enough to completely let go in front of them. You connect with that person in a very intimate way and in a way that just can't be achieved through any other means. Also, you boost each other's confidence and self-esteem by showing that you desire each other sexually. And importantly, you attend to your partner's needs and show them that they are important to you, regardless of what your own needs are at that time.

In light of all of these hugely important functions of sex in a relationship I find your position of 'not interested because I can just W*** myself off' utterly bizarre. Grow up. You're coming across, at best, as someone who's confusing sex in a relationship with the sort of sex you might experience on a one night stand - the two are totally different. At worst you sound like a selfish prick.

dreamguy · Posted: Sat May 03, 2008 1:30 am Post subject:

dreamguy · Posted: Sat May 03, 2008 1:42 am Post subject:

Maybe I'll just purposely make myself look unattractive after I get into the relationship and that will make her not want to have sex with me and therefore she won't care that I'm getting my needs met from masturbation. Problem solved. What do you think?

just some guy · Guest

noodles · Posted: Tue May 06, 2008 1:49 pm Post subject:

how to tell a girl i have no desire for sex?

erm ' i'm really into you but i think you should know i've no desire to actually have sex' Rolling Eyes

dreamguy · Posted: Wed May 07, 2008 3:23 am Post subject:

Verve · Posted: Wed May 07, 2008 1:38 pm Post subject:

Honestly I dont' think you will have a hard time finding a woman......

Laughing

dreamguy · Posted: Wed May 07, 2008 5:49 pm Post subject:

It really all depends on how many other things I'm doing correctly in the relationship that determines whether or not I'll keep her around.

The more things I do right the better chance I have of keeping her. Some women here say they want it all. Basically what women are saying is that unless I'm perfect or almost perfect then I'm not going to keep her.

She's going to have to decide if the lack of sex is really worth dumping me over if the rest of my good qualities outweigh my flaws.

Verve · Posted: Thu May 08, 2008 4:03 am Post subject:

What I mean to say is that there are women willing to not have sex after marriage. In a sense they have had sex and then get tired of wanting to have it... Good luck on finding one from the start that's not interested. Would you allow your wife to be pleased sexually from time to time with another man?

dreamguy · Posted: Thu May 08, 2008 5:46 pm Post subject:

Verve · Posted: Thu May 08, 2008 9:22 pm Post subject:

Ok.... What about you participating in sex acts...such as use of d i l d o s since you choose not to have sex? Would you assist your wife in an orgasm? Would you allow masturbating as couple... It's fun? What would you do to meet her needs for sexual pleasure without you penetrating?

dreamguy · Posted: Fri May 09, 2008 12:43 am Post subject: