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selfconcious
FemaleFirst Chatter (200+ Posts)
Joined: 15 Feb 2006
Posts: 244
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 Posted: Sat Apr 12, 2008 7:23 pm Post subject: Me or him? |
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I have been having the same problem with my boyfriend of 11 months for quite a while. We met at uni and i had just broke up with a long term with a boyfriend and he was so lovely and waited and treated me like a princess for the first few months..
however, i totally and utterly feel for things and now it just feel like things are a bit unequal and like i am the one making all the effort..
Basically, he can come across as a bit unbothered and not really interested...
he rarely texts me unless i text him, he "appears offline" constantly on msn and has never ever rang me, i always ring him. he when we are at uni he lives five mins around the corner and i only see him a couple nights a week
if i mention anything to him he either says "i am a moan" or a "nag" or "its only been four days"
he says he loves me and things are lovely when we are together...
but i am worried he doesn't actually want 2 be with me, now we are home for the holidays he says he misses me but doesn't seem 2 care about meeting up even though its really not that far..
I don't know if its me being over expectant and high maintenance or he has just got comfortable..or he just doesn't want to be with me
is there anyway i can approach him about this without seeming like a moan or a nag? |
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Cambridge
FemaleFirst Senior Member (500+ Posts)
Joined: 11 Mar 2008
Posts: 735
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| Posted: Sat Apr 12, 2008 7:43 pm Post subject: |
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| is there anyway i can approach him about this without seeming like a moan or a nag? |
Honestly, I think you are asking the wrong question. From what I see, there’s one of two possibilities: (1) that he is becoming indifferent because he’s losing interest; or (2) his and your views on a relationship are too far apart right now to build a sound partnership.
As for your question, I think the answer is “no.” He’s the one who will assign adjectives to your conduct; he has already determined that “if [you] mention anything to him he either says ‘[you are] a moan’ or a "nag" or ‘its only been four days.’”
I don’t mean to be totally negative. If you can live with giving him the space he wants, do so. Standing back will, if anything, give you a healthier perspective on your situation. Tip: try building your relationships with positive gf’s and platonic male friends…they’ll help you to keep your spirits up and to feel good about yourself. And, if he sees you've got a life independent of him, he may well take more of an interest. |
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Lena
FemaleFirst Guru
Joined: 30 Apr 2004
Posts: 26276
Location: Kentucky , USA
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| Posted: Sun Apr 13, 2008 3:07 am Post subject: |
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Throw acid in his face................  |
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Cambridge
FemaleFirst Senior Member (500+ Posts)
Joined: 11 Mar 2008
Posts: 735
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| Posted: Sun Apr 13, 2008 3:11 am Post subject: |
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 Well, Lena, there is that. |
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Bouncy
FemaleFirst Guru
Joined: 28 Nov 2005
Posts: 12307
Location: Dallas, Texas
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| Posted: Sun Apr 13, 2008 6:25 am Post subject: |
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I suggest to back away for a while. You're home for the holidays so this is the perfect opportunity to give not only him, but yourself a break. Stop being the one that has to make things work for the both of you. Instead, concentrate on you. You had a life before you met him. You went from one relationship into another without much of a break to get to know yourself and who you are and can be without being with someone else.
If he wants to get together, tell him to come visit you. If he doesn't make the effort, don't ask why, don't go there instead and don't feel bad about it. It takes two to make a relationship work. But if you're continually having to work hard at making things work, pretty soon all you're doing is working hard.
And if all else fails, use Lena's plan.  |
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selfconcious
FemaleFirst Chatter (200+ Posts)
Joined: 15 Feb 2006
Posts: 244
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| Posted: Sun Apr 13, 2008 10:53 am Post subject: |
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mm..
thanks for the advice.. now all i need to know is where on earth do i get acid lol
but seriously.... i don't want 2 break up with him over this because i really do love him so very much and in the great scheme of relationship problems this is not that serious..
.. i am just fed up with feeling unwanted and miserable all the time and like i am not worth the effort..
men....
xx |
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Bouncy
FemaleFirst Guru
Joined: 28 Nov 2005
Posts: 12307
Location: Dallas, Texas
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| Posted: Sun Apr 13, 2008 8:11 pm Post subject: |
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| selfconcious wrote: |
mm..
thanks for the advice.. now all i need to know is where on earth do i get acid lol
but seriously.... i don't want 2 break up with him over this because i really do love him so very much and in the great scheme of relationship problems this is not that serious..
.. i am just fed up with feeling unwanted and miserable all the time and like i am not worth the effort..
men....
xx |
Then if you think that feeling unwanted and miserable all the time is not that serious, you have no relationship problems at all and you should continue with the way things are. |
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selfconcious
FemaleFirst Chatter (200+ Posts)
Joined: 15 Feb 2006
Posts: 244
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| Posted: Sun Apr 13, 2008 10:20 pm Post subject: |
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well i know it isn't right to feel like this, i just don't know if i am over reacting at something which is so minor compared to other people's problems...
=( |
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Cambridge
FemaleFirst Senior Member (500+ Posts)
Joined: 11 Mar 2008
Posts: 735
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| Posted: Sun Apr 13, 2008 11:54 pm Post subject: |
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| I think that’s for you to decide. If you post an issue, there’s no way for us to tell how intense it is for you. I have suggested that you adjust or drop it. Others have had even better advice. Forget other peoples' problems. Their not in the mix. Ultimately, it’s all up to you. |
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Fred75
FemaleFirst Guru
Joined: 04 Oct 2007
Posts: 6017
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| Posted: Mon Apr 14, 2008 12:03 pm Post subject: Re: Me or him? |
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| selfconcious wrote: |
I have been having the same problem with my boyfriend of 11 months for quite a while. We met at uni and i had just broke up with a long term with a boyfriend and he was so lovely and waited and treated me like a princess for the first few months..
however, i totally and utterly feel for things and now it just feel like things are a bit unequal and like i am the one making all the effort..
Basically, he can come across as a bit unbothered and not really interested...
he rarely texts me unless i text him, he "appears offline" constantly on msn and has never ever rang me, i always ring him. he when we are at uni he lives five mins around the corner and i only see him a couple nights a week
if i mention anything to him he either says "i am a moan" or a "nag" or "its only been four days"
he says he loves me and things are lovely when we are together...
but i am worried he doesn't actually want 2 be with me, now we are home for the holidays he says he misses me but doesn't seem 2 care about meeting up even though its really not that far..
I don't know if its me being over expectant and high maintenance or he has just got comfortable..or he just doesn't want to be with me
is there anyway i can approach him about this without seeming like a moan or a nag? |
It's great to have a needy girl that takes off her cloths or polishes ones knob for no commitment.
They do get to be a pain in the arse when they call all the time, though.
And they are so gullible when it comes to "I love you too" but don't understand that our ACTIONS are what really speak for us.
You dont even have to be a good shag. Just a shag. |
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MissCharlie
FemaleFirst Grand Master (1000+ Posts)
Joined: 31 Oct 2007
Posts: 1369
Location: In my bubble
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| Posted: Mon Apr 14, 2008 7:27 pm Post subject: |
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| selfconcious wrote: |
mm..
thanks for the advice.. now all i need to know is where on earth do i get acid lol
but seriously.... i don't want 2 break up with him over this because i really do love him so very much and in the great scheme of relationship problems this is not that serious..
.. i am just fed up with feeling unwanted and miserable all the time and like i am not worth the effort..
men....
xx |
He makes you feel unwanted and miserable all the time, you just said it yourself, this is not how some-one who cares about you should be making you feel, it doesn't really matter what ideas he has about relationships, but it sounds far short of yours, and that isn't good for you. If you can't discuss how you feel with him without being labelled as a nag, then how you supposed to cummunicate with him, sure theres game playing, (not texting, going out with friends etc) but persoannly I think he will see this for what it is......a game. Be honest with him without too much emotional baggage and leave the ball in his court.
Hope it works out for you though
Cx |
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MissCharlie
FemaleFirst Grand Master (1000+ Posts)
Joined: 31 Oct 2007
Posts: 1369
Location: In my bubble
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| Posted: Mon Apr 14, 2008 7:31 pm Post subject: |
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Boy my typos were bad there, does anyone know how to block Freds posts, so they don't even appear in a thread. One poster mentioned this, he can't even read them, thats one great idea, how do I do it
Cx |
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Bouncy
FemaleFirst Guru
Joined: 28 Nov 2005
Posts: 12307
Location: Dallas, Texas
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| Posted: Mon Apr 14, 2008 7:55 pm Post subject: |
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| MissCharlie wrote: |
Boy my typos were bad there, does anyone know how to block Freds posts, so they don't even appear in a thread. One poster mentioned this, he can't even read them, thats one great idea, how do I do it
Cx |
On the right, directly under his user name and above the avatar there is a "Block" button you can push. It won't completely eliminate his posts, instead there'll be a message that says something like "You have chosen not to read this person's post" or something similar to that. |
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MissCharlie
FemaleFirst Grand Master (1000+ Posts)
Joined: 31 Oct 2007
Posts: 1369
Location: In my bubble
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| Posted: Mon Apr 14, 2008 8:37 pm Post subject: |
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Thanks Bouncy
Much appreciated
Cx |
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Bouncy
FemaleFirst Guru
Joined: 28 Nov 2005
Posts: 12307
Location: Dallas, Texas
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| Posted: Mon Apr 14, 2008 8:42 pm Post subject: |
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Doh!  I said 'right' when I mean't 'left'. Glad you found it anyway MissCharlie.  |
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