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little_miss_forceful
FemaleFirst Grand Master (1000+ Posts)
Joined: 30 Aug 2007
Posts: 1443
Location: here there and everywhere
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 Posted: Fri Dec 14, 2007 8:12 pm Post subject: why are men all bastards?? |
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| why do they lie and cheat and pretend its your fault???? |
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SM
FemaleFirst Senior Member (500+ Posts)
Joined: 19 Aug 2005
Posts: 915
Location: London
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| Posted: Fri Dec 14, 2007 9:02 pm Post subject: Re: why are men all bastards?? |
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| little_miss_forceful wrote: |
| why do they lie and cheat and pretend its your fault???? |
Hmmm, because you treat them like this, so they act like it?????
I know there are some total t**** out there, but even if there is a 'normal' guy and you treat him like he is a t***, then he will eventually become one.
I am not trying to say that this is your fault, please don't think that I am, just trying to help you see this from another point of view.
Just think about it, if it's the first time, it's tough-luck. If it has happened twice it might be bad-luck. If it has happened three or more times, it is nothing to do with luck and a lot to do with your behaviour and the way you are in your relationships.
Every paragraph I write, I feel I am being more and more harsh on you. Sorry, I am not trying to.
Keep the faith. Not all men are bad.
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kinghelfer
FemaleFirst Guru
Joined: 30 May 2005
Posts: 10701
Location: R ....... Paddle Faster - I Can Hear Banjo,s.......
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| Posted: Fri Dec 14, 2007 11:24 pm Post subject: Re: why are men all bastards?? |
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| little_miss_forceful wrote: |
| why do they lie and cheat and pretend its your fault???? |
 ..I dont want to be hard on you either but they do it because YOU let them - whether you know it or not.....i think i may have written hard on somewhere in all of this........  |
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rosie727
FemaleFirst Guru
Joined: 17 Aug 2006
Posts: 18562
Location: newcastle
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| Posted: Fri Dec 14, 2007 11:50 pm Post subject: |
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| BUT some times men are bastards |
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ZiaAries
FemaleFirst Guru
Joined: 14 Jan 2006
Posts: 14084
Location: United States of America
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| Posted: Sat Dec 15, 2007 8:08 am Post subject: Re: why are men all bastards?? |
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| kinghelfer wrote: |
| little_miss_forceful wrote: |
| why do they lie and cheat and pretend its your fault???? |
..I dont want to be hard on you either but they do it because YOU let them - whether you know it or not.....i think i may have written hard on somewhere in all of this........ |
We do let them the moment that we give them our trust. And Rosie is right, some men are bastards. I will NOT let anyone put me at fault for their actions.
little miss forceful, I can forgive someone that has cheated on me but the lying and manipulation of who's at fault, hmmm, I think you should get rid of this one. He sounds defective. |
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Bouncy
FemaleFirst Guru
Joined: 28 Nov 2005
Posts: 13381
Location: In a Bouncy Castle
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| Posted: Sat Dec 15, 2007 8:52 am Post subject: Re: why are men all bastards?? |
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| little_miss_forceful wrote: |
| why do they lie and cheat and pretend its your fault???? |
Because you allow them to. |
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SM
FemaleFirst Senior Member (500+ Posts)
Joined: 19 Aug 2005
Posts: 915
Location: London
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| Posted: Sat Dec 15, 2007 2:07 pm Post subject: |
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The four pillars of a decent relationship are
Passion
Trust
Respect
Honesty
Once one of these is broken, on either side of the relationship, it effects all the others.
So the trick is to understand how they work, and then work hard not to break them.
And yes, nobody said that a perfect relationship was not going to be hard work. But just like a garden, the more you put in, the more joy you get out. |
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Mr A
FemaleFirst Grand Master (1000+ Posts)
Joined: 08 Jun 2007
Posts: 2367
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| Posted: Sat Dec 15, 2007 2:22 pm Post subject: Re: why are men all bastards?? |
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| Bouncy wrote: |
| little_miss_forceful wrote: |
| why do they lie and cheat and pretend its your fault???? |
Because you allow them to. |
if he really wants to lie and cheat and insist it's her fault there's not really alot she can do to stop that. she can dump him to show him she will not put up with that behavior ...but the lying,cheating etc still would have happened.. |
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Mr A
FemaleFirst Grand Master (1000+ Posts)
Joined: 08 Jun 2007
Posts: 2367
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| Posted: Sat Dec 15, 2007 2:24 pm Post subject: |
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| Quote: |
| why are men all bastards?? |
because thier mothers didn't try hard enough to get thier fathers up the isle
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Bouncy
FemaleFirst Guru
Joined: 28 Nov 2005
Posts: 13381
Location: In a Bouncy Castle
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| Posted: Sat Dec 15, 2007 3:38 pm Post subject: Re: why are men all bastards?? |
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| Mr A wrote: |
| Bouncy wrote: |
| little_miss_forceful wrote: |
| why do they lie and cheat and pretend its your fault???? |
Because you allow them to. |
if he really wants to lie and cheat and insist it's her fault there's not really alot she can do to stop that. she can dump him to show him she will not put up with that behavior ...but the lying,cheating etc still would have happened.. |
Precisely. She can and she should dump him the moment she discovers he's cheated and not allow him to shift any of the blame to her.
I get the feeling she somehow bought into his idea that it was her fault. At least in part. Until she can face the fact that the only problem she had was that she made a mistake choosing the wrong man in this instance, she'll continue to blame all men and hate them all because of the actions of this one. She's allowed herself to feel that he cheated on her because of something she did or didn't do.
And in future she should not invest so much emotionally until she discovers the type of man she's falling for and whether or not he's worthy of that investment. Learn by your mistakes or you'll continue to make them, but don't blame an entire gender for the behaviour of a few individuals. |
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Fun & Sweet
FemaleFirst Senior Member (500+ Posts)
Joined: 23 Apr 2007
Posts: 590
Location: NorthEast USA
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| Posted: Sat Dec 15, 2007 3:54 pm Post subject: Re: why are men all bastards?? |
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| little_miss_forceful wrote: |
| why do they lie and cheat and pretend its your fault???? |
They're bastards when their thinking transfers from their brains to their little brains down under. |
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kinghelfer
FemaleFirst Guru
Joined: 30 May 2005
Posts: 10701
Location: R ....... Paddle Faster - I Can Hear Banjo,s.......
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| Posted: Sat Dec 15, 2007 5:29 pm Post subject: Re: why are men all bastards?? |
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| Fun & Sweet wrote: |
| little_miss_forceful wrote: |
| why do they lie and cheat and pretend its your fault???? |
They're bastards when their thinking transfers from their brains to their little brains down under. |
....god gave me a brain and a penis but only enough blood to run one at a time.........  |
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Mr A
FemaleFirst Grand Master (1000+ Posts)
Joined: 08 Jun 2007
Posts: 2367
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| Posted: Sat Dec 15, 2007 5:34 pm Post subject: Re: why are men all bastards?? |
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| Bouncy wrote: |
| Mr A wrote: |
| Bouncy wrote: |
| little_miss_forceful wrote: |
| why do they lie and cheat and pretend its your fault???? |
Because you allow them to. |
if he really wants to lie and cheat and insist it's her fault there's not really alot she can do to stop that. she can dump him to show him she will not put up with that behavior ...but the lying,cheating etc still would have happened.. |
Precisely. She can and she should dump him the moment she discovers he's cheated and not allow him to shift any of the blame to her.
I get the feeling she somehow bought into his idea that it was her fault. At least in part. Until she can face the fact that the only problem she had was that she made a mistake choosing the wrong man in this instance, she'll continue to blame all men and hate them all because of the actions of this one. She's allowed herself to feel that he cheated on her because of something she did or didn't do.
And in future she should not invest so much emotionally until she discovers the type of man she's falling for and whether or not he's worthy of that investment. Learn by your mistakes or you'll continue to make them, but don't blame an entire gender for the behaviour of a few individuals. |
but what if it was actually her fault? what i mean is that while nobody can make a man cheat ...but it is possible for her actions to push him in that direction...
for example you might have a dog, you feed it well everyday and give it plenty of food and water to drink.
you have a second dog, you feed it badly ...it is skinny and boney from lack of food and water
you leave a nice piece of chicken on your dinner table and go out the room. both dogs have been trained to know they should not take food off the dinner table as it not mean't for them, which dog is more likely to eat it and why? dog 1 or 2.
same thing with a man. if for example a women was not giving her man sex for whatever reason....and then he might go out to a party and see all these young attractive ladies then chances are he's gonna be alot more tempted to cheat than a man who's been getting it 3 times a week or whatever.
if that was the case i'd still say the man is to blame and shouldn't of cheated, he should have tried to resolve things ...and if he found the no sex was too much should have ended it and then gone out with other women ...but the females (no sex) actions did sorta tip the outcome in favour of didn't it
so i can see why some men might try and blame thier partners for cheating if something like that happened.. |
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Bouncy
FemaleFirst Guru
Joined: 28 Nov 2005
Posts: 13381
Location: In a Bouncy Castle
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| Posted: Sat Dec 15, 2007 6:18 pm Post subject: Re: why are men all bastards?? |
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| Mr A wrote: |
| Bouncy wrote: |
| Mr A wrote: |
| Bouncy wrote: |
| little_miss_forceful wrote: |
| why do they lie and cheat and pretend its your fault???? |
Because you allow them to. |
if he really wants to lie and cheat and insist it's her fault there's not really alot she can do to stop that. she can dump him to show him she will not put up with that behavior ...but the lying,cheating etc still would have happened.. |
Precisely. She can and she should dump him the moment she discovers he's cheated and not allow him to shift any of the blame to her.
I get the feeling she somehow bought into his idea that it was her fault. At least in part. Until she can face the fact that the only problem she had was that she made a mistake choosing the wrong man in this instance, she'll continue to blame all men and hate them all because of the actions of this one. She's allowed herself to feel that he cheated on her because of something she did or didn't do.
And in future she should not invest so much emotionally until she discovers the type of man she's falling for and whether or not he's worthy of that investment. Learn by your mistakes or you'll continue to make them, but don't blame an entire gender for the behaviour of a few individuals. |
but what if it was actually her fault? what i mean is that while nobody can make a man cheat ...but it is possible for her actions to push him in that direction...
so i can see why some men might try and blame thier partners for cheating if something like that happened.. |
I see and agree with your argument. Sometimes people are driven to actions by their partner. I believe everyone is responsible for their own. I also believe that sometimes people will turn a blind eye to what's going on because they don't want to be alone. A bad partner is better than no partner? Hell no. But many people see it that way. When the shit hits the fan, it's easy to lay all the blame elsewhere. "I cheated because you drove me to it." "You cheated on me, therefore all men are cheats." Neither are acceptable responses, imo.
From the posts I've read from her here and in other threads, she has a bitterness towards all men just because of the behaviour of this one. And that's unfair. If he cheated on her, there was a reason and there's also plenty of blame to go around on both sides. So instead of laying all of the blame on all men, she needs to take a look at her own behaviour and see what part she played in it and accept it; whether it's because she made a bad choice in a boyfriend or whether it's because she drove him to fulfill his needs elsewhere.
I'm not a big fan of blame shifting. He's blamed her either rightly or wrongly for his cheating and in return she's blaming all men for his actions and not considered that some of the blame can be attributed to the person she sees in the mirror.
Last edited by Bouncy on Sat Dec 15, 2007 6:23 pm; edited 1 time in total |
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Fred75
FemaleFirst Guru
Joined: 04 Oct 2007
Posts: 7968
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| Posted: Sat Dec 15, 2007 6:23 pm Post subject: Re: why are men all bastards?? |
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| little_miss_forceful wrote: |
| why do they lie and cheat and pretend its your fault???? |
Because men understand that women have majority control of the relationship.
They have the power.
Those in power get the blame. |
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