Joined: 15 Nov 2004 Posts: 14347 Location: Boston, MA USA
Posted: Sun Jan 23, 2005 6:53 am Post subject: Hookers
Ladies, you find out your guy was with a hooker once. What is your reaction. Does it matter if he was drunk and with a bunch of his friends? If it was years ago. If it was a call girl rather than a girl on a corner? When would it not bother you. is it something you just expect some men to have done at some point?
I heard this girl once say that it's normal for all men to have done it,i thought that was quite a sorry state,if true.Fortunately,it isn't true.
Yes,i'd expect some men,a certain type of man,to have done it at some point,but it isn't the type of man i'm interested in,so i'd hardly get into that situation of asking how i would deal with it.
If i was in that situation,it wouldn't matter,if he was drunk and with a bunch of friends,that wouldn't be an excuse.I also wouldn't make a difference between a callgirl and a girl on the corner,they are all prostitutes.I'd feel sorry for a man who has to pay for sex,when he can get it in other ways with a regular person.It would not bother me,if the man never gets a chance to have sex with a woman because he is an invalid.
"Yes,i'd expect some men,a certain type of man,to have done it at some point,but it isn't the type of man i'm interested in,so i'd hardly get into that situation of asking how i would deal with it. "
How can you say you'd never get in that situation. Suppose your man tells you whlle in a relationship with you, that's he's visited a hooker - now you're in that situation and it had nothing to do with you that you're in it - its not something you have a say in is it?
What is the 'certain type' of man you mea? Can you look at a man and judge that he will visit a hooker, or is there something else that allows you to typecast them as likely to visit hookers?
Joined: 15 Nov 2004 Posts: 14347 Location: Boston, MA USA
Posted: Mon Jan 24, 2005 4:41 am Post subject:
I have never been. I feel that I would be selling myself short. Then again, I am bothered by the simple fact that men even have to try to “get” women into bed. If a woman said no, but wanted me to convince her, I would say good night. Luckily I am usually not so unlucky. I think I am in the minority here. Most men will really work for sex, and I think many would not have a problem with a “clean” hooker. I don’t have a problem with them going either.
I don’t think there is a “kind” of guy that goes or has been once. Even the televangelist Jimmy Swaggart went to one.
I found this topic intriguing, and lifted it from another thread I was involved with
How can you say you'd never get in that situation.
Because the type of man i'm interested in is not interested in hookers,only as a fantasy but not real life.
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Suppose your man tells you whlle in a relationship with you, that's he's visited a hooker - now you're in that situation and it had nothing to do with you that you're in it - its not something you have a say in is it?
s. above
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What is the 'certain type' of man you mea? Can you look at a man and judge that he will visit a hooker, or is there something else that allows you to typecast them as likely to visit hookers?
I live near the redlight district.It's mainly the average man who visits hookers.I've never been interested in average.
I believe that you cannot put a stereotype on this. There is no certain kind of man that would be likely to sleep with a hooker... I think it all involves circumstance.
I've known of a few very "normal" men that have done this. Most of the time, they did so while overseas. Two of them were in the military, when the sex was non-existent. One was in Germany, the other was in Japan. Both of these men were single, and were the good ol' "hometown boy" types. They never once in a million years planned on one day paying for sex, but when urges arise, I guess if it is done safely, then it's okay to resort to such measures. I for one am not crazy about the practice, but I would much rather know that a man paid for safe sex than went out and boffed a complete stranger that could have more diseases than Janis Joplin did. I think being overseas had a lot to do with it also. In the states, it is a very "taboo" thing. Only a handful of legal "brothels" over here (Bunny Ranch in Nevada is a very popular one). I think the old saying "What happens in __, stays in __" applies in this case. Totally abandon has a lot to do with it, especially considering how open some countries are about prostitution.
A third man that I know that did this actually lost his virginity to a hooker. His older brothers actually got him a hooker when he was 18 as a bday present to "break him in". I thought this was really sad, actually. He wasn't too proud of it either, but it sure did kill his insecurities for the first time he did have sex in a meaningful relationship. AND.. he said it made him appreciate sex with his girlfriend alot more. Taught him it wasn't something that should be taken for granted.
These are just a few examples I know of. I can't really speak for men as to why they do it, but I'm guessing it's more of a convenience than anything. No concerns regarding "the chase" it's a sure bet, and you don't have to worry about her hanging around wanting to snuggle. LOL I personally believe, however, that men who would sleep with a prostitute are more prone to see women as objects. I really wouldn't want to be involved with a man that thinks that way about women. But then again, they're not thinking about the woman, they're just thinking about getting their rocks off, now aren't they?
I think it would be a good idea to legalize prostitution in the states, actually. I would feel a lot better knowing men are going to a place to get sex where it is mandatory for all of the girls and their customers to undergo testing in a safe environment. But still, I don't think I"d want to be with a guy that feels he needs to pay for sex, for the above mentioned reason.
My hubby, as sex crazy as he is, has never slept with a hooker. He has also admitted to me once that he never would have either. He believes if you're bad off enough to have to pay for it, that you need to do some serious changing in life. There's always masturbation. LOL Just what he told me.
I'm guessing there may not be any men brave enough to admit it on here, but have any of you guys ever bagged a prossie? And if so, was it an on the whim experience or something you had planned out? I'm kind of curious to hear what men have to say on this topic myself.
I believe that you cannot put a stereotype on this. There is no certain kind of man that would be likely to sleep with a hooker... I think it all involves circumstance.
I've known of a few very "normal" men that have done this
The ''average man'' is not ''normal'' ? (Answer: The ''average man'' is ''normal'').The average man is also naturally a stereotype,i don't need to stereotype,as he does a perfect job by himself.
I'm not interested in the ''average'',''normal'' man as a partner.The men i'm interested in wouldn't consider going to a prostitute,for various reasons.Those are the two types i'm speaking of,the average man who pays for sex and the man who doesn't pay for sex.No big conspiracies or anything.
spirit-of-tao FemaleFirst Senior Member (500+ Posts)
Joined: 26 Mar 2004 Posts: 553 Location: Manchester, England
Posted: Mon Jan 24, 2005 8:43 pm Post subject: prostitution
is there a difference then between prostitution and say, lap dancing ?
I can understand the negativity around prostitution but I willing to bet that far more men have been to lap dancing bars. The difference being you can look but not touch, so which ones are the fools ?
I've never been to a prostitute yet but i certainly think it should be legalised, give the girls doing it some protection and decent working conditions
Joined: 15 Nov 2004 Posts: 14347 Location: Boston, MA USA
Posted: Tue Jan 25, 2005 4:28 am Post subject:
Lola wrote:
MarriedMom wrote:
I believe that you cannot put a stereotype on this. There is no certain kind of man that would be likely to sleep with a hooker... I think it all involves circumstance.
I've known of a few very "normal" men that have done this
The ''average man'' is not ''normal'' ? (Answer: The ''average man'' is ''normal'').The average man is also naturally a stereotype,i don't need to stereotype,as he does a perfect job by himself.
I'm not interested in the ''average'',''normal'' man as a partner.The men i'm interested in wouldn't consider going to a prostitute,for various reasons.Those are the two types i'm speaking of,the average man who pays for sex and the man who doesn't pay for sex.No big conspiracies or anything.
Would you speak as you do if we were talking about race? It sounds like you dislike most men. I can understand that, as I think 80% of us are pretty much the same in so many ways.
I am curious as to why your perfect man would not go to a hooker. I bet he would go to a call girl if the price were the same or a freebie. Then you would find that he is not so perfect, and 80 would go to 95%. This assumes no disease which is probably the only real issue, not morality.
Posted: Tue Jan 25, 2005 6:54 am Post subject: Re: prostitution
DaveSKerfoot wrote:
is there a difference then between prostitution and say, lap dancing ?
I can understand the negativity around prostitution but I willing to bet that far more men have been to lap dancing bars. The difference being you can look but not touch, so which ones are the fools ?
I've never been to a prostitute yet but i certainly think it should be legalised, give the girls doing it some protection and decent working conditions
Again,i'm not interested in the average man,so these questions don't come up.
Prostitution is legal in the country i live in.Prostitution is not a thing i have to think about and i don't have deep thought-out opinions on it.
I'm ok with prostitution being made legal.
Would you speak as you do if we were talking about race?
I don't get the connection ?
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It sounds like you dislike most men
Pardon ?
Not wanting to have a relationship with the ''average'' man means i ''dislike'' most men ?
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I can understand that, as I think 80% of us are pretty much the same in so many ways.
s. above
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I am curious as to why your perfect man would not go to a hooker.
''My perfect man'' ? I don't think in those terms.I would say the average man chooses to see hookers and then there are the others who don't,i'm interested in those men.Not every man sees it as vital to see a hooker.
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I bet he would go to a call girl if the price were the same or a freebie. Then you would find that he is not so perfect, and 80 would go to 95%. This assumes no disease which is probably the only real issue, not morality.
Not wanting to have a relationship with the average man doesn't mean i dislike them,it only means we have different ideas on how we like to lead our lives.The men i have relationships with aren't interested in prostitutes on a real level (only,if at all,in fantasy),not all men see it,as already stated,as vital to see a hooker.Why make those assumptions ?
If a man chooses to see a hooker,it doesn't bother me either way,it's nothing i have to deal with in my relationships.
I heard this girl once say that it's normal for all men to have done it,i thought that was quite a sorry state,if true.Fortunately,it isn't true.
Okay, you have said the "average" or "normal" man is the type of man that would resort to doing such a thing. Then why did you say "Fortunately, it isn't true" ? I'm a bit befuddled by your comment here, especially when you go on later to say that average men are the only ones that would sleep with a hooker.
You say the men you see aren't interested in seeing hookers on a real level, only in fantasy. What makes you so sure the type of men you prefer wouldn't be really interested in doing such a thing? Just because you wish to believe it's true, because they tell you what they think you want to hear?
There are a lot of things men have done or things they would like to do that they would never in a million years tell their girlfriends/wives about. All I'm saying, is that you can't pin-point a certain type on this subject. Thugs, preachers, married fathers and bachelors... all types of men, from all different backgrounds and lifestyles have chosen to pay for sex. Most of the men that have will probably never be found out, because of a level of shame about their "dirty little secret".
Sure, you can be with a man that swears on the Bible that he has never done it, and that tells you how horribly wrong he thinks it is, but that's not to say he's never done it.
I'm just trying to point out the fact that you are putting your "certain type of man" on a rather high pedestal. For you to say only a certain type of man would do such a thing, is like saying only a certain type of woman or man would cheat on their spouse. No one plans on it, everyone is somewhat disgusted by the thought, but it has happened out of the blue and to the best and worst of people. Just like men with prostitutes. It's not always something they planned, and it's definitely not something they would want to admit to the world.
I'm not trying to get into a spat with you Lola, I'm just saying it's not fair to label all of the "normal" men out there by saying they are the only type that would do it. And you are right, there are some men that would NEVER see a hooker, based on moral beliefs. But that's not to say that they haven't been curious at least, or considered doing so. And how do you know exactly WHO the men are out there that REALLY don't believe in it? Just because they say one thing, it doesn't mean that is exactly what they believe. It also doesn't exactly mean it is the truth either. You could have been with one of the men that you would consider your type that actually did sleep with a hooker. He just knew how you felt and hid it from you to keep from hurting you.
No man, or woman for that matter, is perfect. People are well known for making drastic decisions based on animalistic desires. Show me the perfect man/woman, and I'll show you a handful of damn good lies, cover-ups and skeletons in their closets to go along with their stories. That's why I say you can't put a stereotype on this subject.
Just my thoughts, feel free to correct me if I'm way off here folks.
Okay, you have said the "average" or "normal" man is the type of man that would resort to doing such a thing. Then why did you say "Fortunately, it isn't true" ? I'm a bit befuddled by your comment here, especially when you go on later to say that average men are the only ones that would sleep with a hooker.
Yes,average,as in,the statistical norm.Normal,as in,being the norm.Shall i explain what ''the norm'' means ?
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You say the men you see aren't interested in seeing hookers on a real level, only in fantasy. What makes you so sure the type of men you prefer wouldn't be really interested in doing such a thing? Just because you wish to believe it's true, because they tell you what they think you want to hear?
There are a lot of things men have done or things they would like to do that they would never in a million years tell their girlfriends/wives about.
First of all,it is a reality that not all men are interested in wanting to have sex with a hooker; yes,many men might be interested,or maybe even most men,but many or most doesn't equal all,or was i sleeping in maths ?
Do you believe the ones who ''fall out of the norm'' don't have girlfriends and wives ?
I don't ''wish to believe it's true'',i talk about even the most sordid fantasies with my partners,fantasies that make ''wanting to have sex with a hooker'' look like a Disney show,a walk in the park.If a partner of mine wanted to have sex with a hooker,he would say so,we have a relationship like that.He's not interested though.
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All I'm saying, is that you can't pin-point a certain type on this subject. Thugs, preachers, married fathers and bachelors... all types of men, from all different backgrounds and lifestyles have chosen to pay for sex.
I think we might have a different idea of what average means ?
average1: approximating the statistical norm or average or expected value
average2: the usual or ordinary kind or quality
All these men,with different lifestyles and backgrounds,can still be the average type of man,who seek ''the usual or ordinary kind of quality''.
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Most of the men that have will probably never be found out, because of a level of shame about their "dirty little secret".
Sure, you can be with a man that swears on the Bible that he has never done it, and that tells you how horribly wrong he thinks it is, but that's not to say he's never done it.
What am i interested in that type of man ?
You know,the quality of my relationship is that we can talk about everything.If it would be an issue,it would be talked about.I generally don't go for the ''secretive'' type,and definately not for ''secretive'' relationships,i go for men whose top priority it is to be open,on all accounts,also on the sexual frontier,that is what makes a relationship appealing to me,and them,and this is what is settled early on.
You are talking about the average man with average wants and average behaviour.It would seem that you disregard the existance of men who fall out of the norm,the norm of wanting (or having) sex with a hooker and the norm of being secretive and dishonest.I think it says more about you,your relationships and how you percieve men,than it does anything about me.The mere disregarding the fact that men do exist who make it their primal priority to be open and honest,is telling.
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I'm just trying to point out the fact that you are putting your "certain type of man" on a rather high pedestal.
No,i'm not.I am saying i wouldn't have a relationship with the type of man who is realistically into the idea of having sex with a hooker.You are making false assumptions about me and that statement.
Fact is,i'm not appalled by the thought of a man having sex with a hooker,i'm just not interested in having a relationship with the type of man who has sex with a hooker.Why ? Because i like having relationships with men who don't view sex as a commodity.That is all there is to it.
Fascinating how much people can read into the things one says,huh ?
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For you to say only a certain type of man would do such a thing, is like saying only a certain type of woman or man would cheat on their spouse. No one plans on it, everyone is somewhat disgusted by the thought, but it has happened out of the blue and to the best and worst of people.Just like men with prostitutes.It's not always something they planned, and it's definitely not something they would want to admit to the world.
I'm not trying to get into a spat with you Lola, I'm just saying it's not fair to label all of the "normal" men out there by saying they are the only type that would do it
I think i explained what i mean by a certain type of man,namely the average man,the man who is the norm,the norm being that many men want,and have,sex with hookers.
You obviously misinterpretated my use of ''certain type'''.
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And you are right, there are some men that would NEVER see a hooker, based on moral beliefs.
Not only that,men have different reasons to not want to have sex with a hooker.
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But that's not to say that they haven't been curious at least, or considered doing so.
I've commented on the fantasy part in another post (s.above) and,yeah,duh !
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And how do you know exactly WHO the men are out there that REALLY don't believe in it? Just because they say one thing, it doesn't mean that is exactly what they believe.It also doesn't exactly mean it is the truth either.
No sh*t,dude.
Some PEOPLE make an EFFORT to have OPEN relationships.
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You could have been with one of the men that you would consider your type that actually did sleep with a hooker.He just knew how you felt and hid it from you to keep from hurting you.
s. above
Besides,another misinterpretation,it wouldn't hurt me,i'd feel sorry for the dude ! A man who has to PAY for sex doesn't turn me on !!!
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No man, or woman for that matter, is perfect.
Who would've thunk it ?!!!!
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People are well known for making drastic decisions based on animalistic desires.Show me the perfect man/woman, and I'll show you a handful of damn good lies,cover-ups and skeletons in their closets to go along with their stories.
Is seeing a hooker a drastic decision ? I don't think so,i think it's a,in many cases,comfortable decision,and to each their own !
I don't have any real issue with it.The issues i'd have with it,if i were in a relationship with a man who has had sex with a hooker,is as already stated,seeing sex as a commodity,and the other issue would be me being turned off by a man who has to pay for sex; i feel more of a pity for men who pay for sex,than being
disgusted or hurt.I can't say i feel hurt at the thought at all,funnily enough !
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That's why I say you can't put a stereotype on this subject.
Of course you can,you just did: ''People are well known for making drastic decisions based on animalistic desires.Show me the perfect man/woman, and I'll show you a handful of damn good lies,cover-ups and skeletons in their closets to go along with their stories''.
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Just my thoughts, feel free to correct me if I'm way off here folks.
MM
Well,i think you were,obviously,way off on many points but i think it's an easy topic to misinterpretate and make assumptions,especially seeing that it seems to be a sore subject,related to ''lies,cover-ups,skeletons in the closets'' etc,and seeing that if you don't explain certain words and sentences in depth,awful misconceptions can arise.
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