nasty mother in law

[Guest]

My own mother was an absolute bitch to my husband. She was nothing BUT rude and condescending to him even in his own home. Eventually I just stopped having anything to do with her and so did our children. They saw what she did and heard what she said. She said that WE turned the grandchildren against her but she managed that all by herself. They are adults now and have their own minds.

I am not sure whether it is being an in law that makes some people so horrible or are they just nasty people to start out with?

[nevsta12]

my mother in law is an evil women she takes pleasure in threatening meshe has assaulted me on 2 occasions, she always acts polite and caring in front of her son. and i believe that you should not have anything to do with women like that, you will never please them and they have nothing better to do than try and ruin your marriage. i wish my mil would do me a favour after ten years of evil maniplative nasty behaviour and drop dead !!!!!

[Pippy24]

hello


my MIL is a total bully - she has been really upsetting me over the last few months and al my boyfriend says is, What am I meant to say?' - and he ALWAYS defends her and her actions - no matter how outrageous. i really feel like this will cause the demise of our relationship. she is even demanding we evict out own pets now when she comes to say as she doesn't like animals. i have to go through there this sunday and I feel like i am going to explode at her. i am so hurt by my unsupprtive BF as well; and i don't think i can forgive him for allowing me to be treated this way.

is this normal????

[Guest]

I love my mother-in-law. Sorry to hear so many of you are having such a hard time. Hope you remember what went wrong when your own children are grown and married. It would suck if your children learned how to treat you by watching how you treated their other parent's parent.

[Guest]

When we used to visit as boyfriend and girlfriend she always brought up his exes in conversation.
-When DH rang them to announce our engagement she wasn't there so FIL congratulated us and told us she would call us back. She never did.
-When we did meet after that, she interrogated me as to why we couldn't live together first. I explained it was HOW WE FELT ABOUT EACH OTHER.
-I changed my surname when we got married and she suggested I keep my maiden name.
-We had no money so didn't go on honeymoon straight away so she 'dropped in' on us virtually every day at our new house. Lol....
-When we announced I was pregnant her VERY FIRST words were 'you can still miscarry'!
-When we had our first baby she held him to the light, peered down her glasses and looked for something wrong with him.
-When she took my two year old to the park she put him on an older child's slide (so high) and then went and stood at the bottom waiting for him to slide down on his own. Needless to say he toppled over backwards head first down the metal steps and now he has an inch long scar on his crown. It gets better. She didn't tell us right away. She WAITED a couple of days. SHE IS A HEALTH VISITOR. Head wounds need monitoring in case of seizures and fitting in children so small but she said nothing.
-We have feast or famine situation financially because DH is self employed and during one of our stressful moments she rang me to say how sorry she was about our money problems and would I be leaving him? We love each other and bailing out has never been an issue and we have never given her any reason to think that.
-Recently the SIL has started (finally) having her children in Ireland and now the MIL keeps going on about flesh of her flesh to us as if to say my children are something less. She has been fussing something chronic over the SIL handing out cheques in front of us again to make us jealous but we have just let them get on with it. I did say to her what a terrible shame it was that SIL was far away in another country and we were all missing out on the babies and would she consider moving to Ireland for a few months every year after she retires. She can't go permanently as she has ailing mother of her own and FIL is losing his memory. We offer to look after them so she can go as often as she likes without feeling guilty over leaving them to fend for themselves.
Seriously I could go on and on but this should give you a fair idea. My problem is that I am normally good humoured about all this and DH and I usually find a way to laugh about it. We interact with everybody and allow all the contact they want with the grandchildren. But recently I have been feeling really drained and don't know how to continue with this woman's issues. I want to say 'enough is enough' but don't want to put DH on the spot. He is kind and supportive and knows what they are like which usually is enough for me to laugh it off but after 12 years I am wavering for the first time.
What would you do?

[SnoozyBoozy]

I'm 35, my boyfriend is 34, we've been together for six months and he's just moved in. I have two children and he has part time custody of his two children.

When I first met his mother, we got on great, I thought she was lovely. Then she started blanking me and my children completely. It seems she thought we were just having a fling and that he'd 'get me out of his system'. I always knew she was controlling and clingy but I didn't realise it was as bad as this.

She's tried EVERYTHING to shut me out, she tries coming between us in so many ways. She invites him round but I'm not welcome, my children aren't welcome. I bought her mothers day card this year as my boyfriend was working long hours, I thought it might be nice to make the effort. She hated it and told me so. "I miss the cards he buys me, I prefer it when" etc etc... Waste of time, won't do THAT again.

Things got worse. I started getting 'hate' text messages from her. I'll type one out:

"Everyone hates you including the girls if u so perfect why u control my son so much u evil bitch im sure you will show andrew this just to twist the knife a bit more u evil woman all the fam c u as evil and poison 4 andrew i will make sure u fall and that andrew sees the bitch he lives with you poisonous snake u witch"

That's just one, I've got more.

He's stopped talking to her because she does stuff like this, she can't understand this. Why isn't he talking to her, she's not done anything to HIM. She just can't get her head around it.

She's also told me that she is joint first priority in his life with his two daughters, then his ex wife, then me and the kids at the bottom.

My boyfriend and I are madly in love, and so so happy. He's a dream come true and he adores my children as I do his. I'm houseproud, loving, I feed him well... I've never done anything to hurt him or his children and I've never done anything to her.

HELP!!!!!!!

Oh, she's trying everything she can to get me into trouble. She's tried telling the local council he's living here, to get me in court and then prison for benefit fraud. He's living here legally and I'm not on benefits. She's tried getting the CSA involved to stitch up us financially, even though he already has a private arrangement with his ex wife. She's phoned MANY people and her whole family telling them all I'm controlling him and has nicknamed me THE VIPER. I've done absolutely nothing to her!

PLEASE PLEASE HELP!!!!!!! It's so hurtful and stressful and I just don't know what to do.

[Guest]

Uh, if you're not on benefits, why even bring that up? That's like coming unglued because someone accused you of running out on a bill when you're still sitting there in the restaurant. You would laugh at them, right?

I'd take your boyfriend to her house with you and sit down and talk to her. Find out why she feels the way she does. Obviously she thinks she knows something about you that you thought was a secret. All cards on the table.