Sex and Marraige

[Georgia]

Hi, I have been married for almost 2 years now the problem is that my husband and I do not have sex often, and I think it's because I have gained a lot of weight. I desire my husband but now I am beginning to think it's pointless to keep initiating sex I know he isn't attracted to me. He has always said that he likes thin women. We have been together for 9 years and our sex life prior to getting married was wonderful, I was quite thin during those years. Is the only solution for me to try and lose weight. He is still very affectionate and loving to me What do you think?

[Harry]

Georgia, I can only say that as a bloke looks do count (I really don't think there is anything we can do about it - it's programmed really deep somewhere). It doesn't mean you stop loving someone, but it can affect the physical attraction. If it helps (although most women are not so affected by looks) I do have the same issue the other way and have to keep control of my weight otherwise I'd end up out in the cold .

If you can get back close to your former weight I am sure he will be hugely appreciative

[TheBankGirl]

[Harry]

BankGirl Sorry but that is a really sexist response, and you clearly didn't read my message.

Maybe her man needs to get trim or maybe he is a fitness fanatic, but Georgia wasn't asking about him, she was asking about herself. I am not pressuring her (at least no more than I am being pressured) I am just giving her an honest opinion from a man's persepctive.

She can take your advice if she likes, but the reality is that her life is also bound up in her relationship. She's married to a man she knows to be turned on by slimmer women and she has gained a lot of weight (which is probably a surprise to him and may be a surprise to her). That doesn't make her a bad person and her husband clearly loves her however she looks (and there is no reason why he shouldn't), but the things that turn people on cannot be made to conform to political correctness and neither you nor I can make her husband get turned on my things that don't turn him on.

I happen to have a gf who goes for a well muscled body and she doesn't stop loving me if I let myself go but she also doesn't get turned on so easily and our sex life definitely suffers. I could argue that I keep trim for me but the truth is I do it for our relationship and that is driven my what works for her.

Georgia, I guess the other question is what has led you to putting on weight? Sometimes that can be as important as the weight itself. And please don't think I'm trying to push you into doing anything that you don't want to do. I'm just trying to provide honest input.