Lack of nookie

[Guest3]

My wife and I have been married for 35 years and for the last 10 years despite me asking sex between us has completley ceased.

It makes me sad as I think that sex is important in a partnership (married or unmarried). We are more like a brother and sister now. I do still love her and we have 3 wonderful children.

I know I could visit a prostitute or perhaps look around but neither seem right to me.

Any thoughts please?

[Tanny]

I've nothing against prostitutes, and I suppose if a man or woman can afford one, it's a tempting option. (Yes, some women pay young men to have sex with them.)

Tempting or not, I suspect you'd be hurting your wife's feelings if you got caught (Like, getting arrested and having your name in the paper -- some towns do that now!) It's not worth the risk unless your wife consents to you hiring hookers.

Looking around? For what? I'm guessing you're in your 50s. Maybe your 60s. Look, honey, you're probably not the man you were when you were half your age. You'd probably land some other woman near your own age, and guess what -- the sex would end the moment you married her!

Brother and sister? Come on, now. After 35 years, a marriage has so many layers of love, I cannot believe you actually said that. She used to be your lover, but now sex is over for her. Was sex the primary reason you married her?

Of course not. You married her because you loved her. Now she is old, and her sex drive is over. She needs you to love her more than ever. She needs you to accept the fact she got old. Surely you knew this would happen some day. If anything, you need to move even closer to her. Kiss her and hug her and tell her how very much you love her. And your relationship will mature better.

My friend, stop kidding yourself. You miss the sex, but I bet if you lost her, you'd miss having her around EVEN MORE. She is your soul mate for life (which is why you two got this far in life together.)

I'm not saying don't have sex with some other woman. I'm saying, don't you dare do it unless your wife feels okay about it. If you sneak, you will surely get caught. And then what happens?

I know it's difficult for you. Look, I'm on the other end of this. My sex drive is enormous, and my husband's sex drive is fading away with time.

Your mate is not some object created for your sexual pleasure. You two are a team. You two have survived several setbacks in life, and you make it through them. This is just another setback, and it's not just happening to you, it's also happening to her. Try to realize this.

My husband and I are best friends. We are also sweethearts to the end. He can't help it that he's not able to perform sexually the way he once did. True, I have it better than you do -- I can have sex with any man I please. But that was true before things went bad for my darling husband. These days, we have an understanding when it comes to sex. But if he ever said that I could not aquire sexual gratification from other men, I'd still love him, and I'd understand.

You need to open new channels of conversation with your wife. Ask her what she thinks you should do. She might surprise you.